Just A Feeling

Where is the Sunshine?

Tired of hiding in the dark 

It's been a long while! 

HOW ARE YOU DOING? haha.

Okay, what I've been doing these days?

Working,

Chilling, 

Enjoying,

Partying, 

Celebrating

ETC! 

Had a weird christmas eve celebration I should say!

But in the end, 

It was quite a good night.

Well I did had a few rounds of beer, 

yes, just BEER

I must say, 

ALCOHOL is not really my thing anymore

Even beer also I can't really drink much!

Not to say liquor!

The blood-vomit experience last time really had lots of effects really!

I am no more an alcoholic! haha.

So, 

New year,  2012

It's just around the corner

Gotta spend these last few days of 2011

Recall everything that had happened.

No doubt, 

There will be so many things to be recalled.

2011, really, too much happened.

Till then!

* Anyone pleaseeee invite me out for New Year's Eve celebration ! *

Dear Heart

What do you got 

If you ain't got LOVE ?

nothing

Sometimes,
I always wonder,
I always ask myself
What have I done wrong?

Why all the people I care
Left me, just like that ?
Her, friends, good friends, now even best friends
I really don't like it

Is it really my problem?
Is it really the way I care?
What is it actually?
Anyone can tell me?
Or just give me a slight clue?

Sigh.

Maybe,
I don't deserve anyone
Maybe,
The only person I deserve,
Is Me, Myself

The word
Care
Sympathy
Should be erased from my dictionary
They are not really useful
At least for now

I'm tired
Need some rest

Till then

Dear heart, 

I'm so sorry

For all the pain and suffer

What happened to us?

I questioned whether time or fate

Would ever show me a sign?

I had my first exam paper today
PENDIDIKAN MORAL !
It was a 60 objective questions paper
And it was a 2 hours paper
Well, I used around 50 mins to finish it?
Once I've done I just hand in my answer sheet and left the room
There was another factor which made me wanna leave the room early
Which, yea, somehow I just wanna finish it early and leave the hall early! :D

Talked to my friend today
Recently she went through a lot I should say
Especially relating to friendships
She said
She prefer to be with her secondary school friends
Well, I am totally 100% agree with her really
I think most of us
We spent our teenage times with a bunch of friends
The link, is there
Whatever feelings, whatever things
You can just say it out without any worries
Unlike now, university
People comes from different background
Somehow it's just hard to get clicked
You have to think how to interact with them
Sometimes, you might worried that you might offend them

Now, my secondary school friends,
Or even my primary school friends,
Although it's very hard for us to meet up
Whenever we have the chance to meet
We still can have our great time
The feeling, really indescribable
Really, it's hard to find this feeling with your university friends

Imagine, when you're working!


I hardly get in touch with my colleagues
No matter what job I had or having

People might find you when they need "benefits" from you
How pathetic, isn't it ?


Appreciate your friendship
Although people always say
FRIEND ends with an END
but FRIENDSHIP? it doesn't ends with an END.
Cheers! :)





_

I don't hear a word

My hands are cold, my heart is numb

I'm still in shock, what have you done?

It's a sunny day isn't it?

At least there is no rain today ! :)

The terrible feeling strikes again this morning.

The feeling of wanna vomit, 

The feeling of no appetite 

The feeling of not to do anything 

I decided to take a short nap 

After that I had my lunch

Though I didn't really finish the lunch 

At least I ate something

I tried myself not to let those negative feelings control

To be honest, 

I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me

I am not sick, definitely not

My friend said, 

" Maybe it's caused of love sick? "

Hah, maybe? who knows?

Maybe I do still feeling "hangover" after what had happened

Screw that

Well, I tried to relaxed myself

I decided to play my all time favorite PC football games

Guess what, it turns out well

I wanna control my feeling instead of letting it controls me

Guess whatttttttttttt

I worked out 

Yes i did, after so long!

My dumbbells really full of dusts already!

Did some overhead press, upright row and all

Damn, it was damn suffering !

I just worked out for half an hour and I had to stop!

Seriously, I fitness level really poor to the max!

Need to get my fitness back ! 

Today half and hour, 

I must try for an hour work out tomorrow!

And YES! SWIMMING!

Need to get back my SUNDAY swimming sessions already!

I'll start this sunday FOR SURE!

Anyone wanna join me? please do not hesitate to tell me ! 

Dinner later, 

Thank god, I think I have the appetite to eat now

Need to get myself back on track !

Will get through this, for sure.

Maybe, just maybe

WE have done a lot of growing up

WE were never meant to be together

Such a gloomy day today isn't it?

I didn't even see the sun today ! 

Whole day, was just raining, and raining

Spent 2 hours of my morning just to wash my car!

Damn, seriously! 

I wasn't that dirty but somehow I just used that much time for it 

Now it's clean, of course. And the hours spent were just worth it !

Next, it was just slow and dull

I didn't have the appetite to eat my lunch

Thanks to somebody, my lunch was not wasted. :)

I suddenly have the urge to go to Starbucks, 

Got myself a JAVACHIP, 

Sat down, relax myself, and unwind

And yea, read my notes.

 my favourite Javachip and Hazelnut Hot Chocolate! :)

I didn't stayed there for long time though, 

Almost 2 hours I think, 

I left, and went to my uni, to settle some small stuff.

Somehow, the terrible feeling I have just couldn't get away,

I decided to came back home.

Took a short nap, 

Seriously, I felt much better after the nap.

Mom prepared a really simple porridge

Which it's exactly what I want

I still didn't have the appetite to eat

But at least, porridge was not that heavy

I seriously don't know what's wrong with me this whole day

Because of the weather ? Or some other factor ?

I don't know.

What I wanna do now is, get myself a really nice shower

And study later

Exams is just 2 days away, 

Can't afford to waste more time.

 Xiao He :)

Pray hard for myself !

Hope I can get better real soon.

Let It Go

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday

Without you, I'm seeing myself so differently

Tell me, what is LOVE?

This is a question, that I really can't answer for now. 

I passed by to a place where, I used to go in there everytime when I'm free, everytime when I wanna see her.

I saw a car when I was passing through, the number plate was so familiar, yes, it was the car she drove.

I knew she was there, of course she was there.

I found a place just outside the university campus, I stopped there, talking on the phone.

What I really didn't expect was, I saw her. She was walking with her housemates from the photocopy shop.

I admit, I did influenced and got affected to see her.

But all I can do was just, pretend that I didn't see her, how pathetic.

Well, after all had happened, 

I really, decided to let go. 

There is no point for me to hold on, to be stucked .

To be honest, it doesn't feel good at all, in fact, I suffered damn a lot.

And now, I am very happy that , 

I'm adopting the changes very well.

In fact, I'm really happy of where I am now.

I really, do.

Chances given, hopes risen, and broken.

I just need to move on, 

Lead my own life, 

To be where I wanna be, 

To do what I wanna do.

Good memories will be kept, 

But most of it, will be forgotten.

From this relationship, one of the good thing is

I've learnt, 

I've learnt a lot, really.

And I need to make a promise to myself that

I would never, ever make the same mistakes again.

Ever.

So, 

Here I am, 

Going to a new chapter in my life.

I'm happy that, 

I can have a good sleep every night now, 

I admit everyday, I'm still affected by thinking of her 

But, I know, 

I getting out of it now, 

And TIME, 

Will heal, will prove everything right !

All I need, is just some patience, and faith for myself ! 

Luckily, it happens at the right time

While focusing on the coming exams

1 month semester break, 

Will be the best time for me to let everything go, 

Get myself free from all these.

I wanna live for myself ! 

Not for others, at least for now. 

I wanna focus on what I need to focus now!

And gosh ! 

I really have a lot of things to be done!

And I'm glad, all these things happened, 

Cause I've found my direction!

Again, All the best to me ! 

All Iz WELL :)

Thank you,  and goodbye.

Take That

Just have a little patience

I'm still hurting from the love I've lost

Woke up at 9 in the morning today, again.

It's like there's a alarm clock in my brain, everyday when it reaches the time, I'll wake up, for sure.

Today,

Well, nothing much happened really,

It's the day where, I have my own time, do the things I wanna do,

and of course, I didn't spend a single cent today! :D

oh yea one more thing , study ! damn right ! finals is just around the corner !

My first paper will be on this saturday ! :(

Read through the notes but didn't memorize !

* finger crossed *

Apart from that, kinda stress with the event that I'm going to do,

I have few events need to settle but there's one

particular event that really make me scratch my head madly!

A lot of uncertainties, a lot of problems to be solved !

and too bad the exams is coming, and it really bothers me

but anyhowwww, I know I need to put my priority on my exams,

I can't be playing fool on it ! oh yes I'm not !

ALL THE BEST !!!

The things you said, really shocked me

but I really hope that you understand what I've been going through now,

I don't want us to have any negative changes, yea?

I WELCOME MYSELF TO BE BACK HERE ! :D